I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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