Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
