I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
