Yo dont text me then not text me
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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