If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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