I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
high people should be assigned attendants
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
