Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i've created a new STD.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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