On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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