if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Randomize
