One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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