I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she peed on how many people?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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