I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
