Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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