the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
