Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
