i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
