Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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