More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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