when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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