Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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