Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
What drink are we having for lunch?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
