"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
