did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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