I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
