So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
