Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
