At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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