Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just had sex on a roof
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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