It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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