you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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