I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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