I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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