final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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