why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
