I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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