the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I deserve this hangover.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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