I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
