I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
