Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
