did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
