im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I am spending my child support on dildos
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
