I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
