totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
