Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Holy shit dude........stairs
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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