I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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