I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
