I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
