I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
