My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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