The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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