the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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