I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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