i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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