Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
