All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
