he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
