Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
