I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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