burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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