it was like his penis was on wheels.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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