Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I supernannyed him into submission
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
