girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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