Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
