She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
