Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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