Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
