i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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